THE INFLUENCE OF VIOLIN IN MY LIFE
Ilustration: Studio Permanent
I don’t remember exactly how it started, but I think one of my family members asked if I wanted to play the violin. As a kid, I thought piano was much more interesting and that’s what I wanted to do, but my family made me change my mind and I didn’t think much of it – meaning, I was a kid and didn’t want to go against my family’s will. They would pay a professor to teach me before I started music school.
It was winter, the middle of first grade. My professor was very careful with me, and I liked the violin. I also started music school shortly after (well, I was in the second grade of music school). But unfortunately over the years, society pressure was that I didn’t need the violin, that I should focus on school. Even in music school, I didn’t have any desire that pushed me to love the violin. I saw that those who went to concerts were always students of other instruments, rarely did I see a violinist.
I was foolish enough to listen to the words of others, and the violin wasn’t fun anymore. I didn’t love it at all. I left music class in tears. It felt like a burden. No matter how many times I cried in front of my family, begging them not to send me to music school, they still did it. “It was your late grandfather’s wish,” they said.
My grandfather was loved and respected by everyone, he was a gentle and loving man who took great care of me. He played many instruments, but not the violin, so he wanted me to play. And of course no one objected to it. Who wouldn’t want their child to play an instrument?
I think here we can clearly see the influence that others can have on a child’s interests and hobbies, and even their future career. Family may want the best for you, or they may project their unfulfilled childhood dreams onto you. Your friends may be jealous of what you are doing and will try to take it away from you. Although I had a very good friend, a classmate who also played the violin and went to music school with me, she was in the same position as me and we couldn’t motivate each other.
Since I had no other choice, out of anger and rage I continued to play the violin. The lack of motivation was hard to manage, but I knew I didn’t have to continue playing the violin after I finished elementary school, and that was enough for me to keep going. I would finish school and finally be free. I would say that the last two years of music school were easier than the other things. I even played a part on the violin in a school concert, accompanied by one of my favourite piano teachers.
After finishing elementary music school, I felt happy, but also very empty. I no longer had anything to do after school. During this time I truly understood its value. It was and still is a pleasure to tell others that I play the violin, that I have a hobby. It’s fun to wish someone a birthday with a violin. It’s fun to make music, to play your favourite songs on an instrument. It’s fun when you attend an event and you’re the one playing the violin for the entertainment of others. And is greatly appreciated by all. Then you remind yourself that maybe a few of those people may have wanted to play an instrument, and then you become one who would give them the opportunity to listen to you. It really brings me happiness.
But I’d like to say that I should have enjoyed the years I spent hating the violin more. The discouragements I received affected my self-confidence, and I did not even want to tell others that I was a violinist. Maybe it would have been better if I had continued the high school of music and become a professional in the future, but now it is too late. So I would encourage everyone to never allow others to manipulate your thoughts and desires. You should always do what you want, without listening or being influenced by others. I have made this mistake and probably lost a very beautiful future, but I hope that the readers of this blog will not make the mistake that I did.
Today it’s been more than 10 years since I started playing the violin. If only I had practised more when I was in school, I would be better now. Regardless, I still play it, maybe even more willingly. Since no one pressures me or expects me to play the violin every day, then it makes it more fun and I can do it whenever I want, which eventually makes me do it often. I can actually say that now I’m more into classical music now too! I love the feeling it gives me and I’m even starting to recognize composers when I listen to their music. My favourite composer is definitely Tchaikovsky, although his works are somewhat difficult to play. At the moment I am focusing more on learning old folk songs. When I learn enough of them, I want to go out and play for my fellow citizens, even tourists. I just want to have fun with the violin; to do whatever profession I like and still play the violin as a form of relaxation. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad after all, but I’m still sad about the fact that I’ll never be a professional violinist. You can miss out on many opportunities like these because of what others think, so I encourage everyone to follow their dreams and not be discouraged by what others say.
About the author: Erona Hulaj, 16 years old from Prizren, student at Gjon Buzuku Gymnasium
This grant is supported by Austrian Development Agency
