SEXUALITY AND KOSOVAR SOCIETY
Sexuality in Kosovar society is forbidden fruit, the concept on which it’s hard to discuss since the term in itself, its pejorative definition, implies something taboo and is the concrete personification of “shame and prejudice”. Realistically it’s the cleanest construct, which openly exposes our cynicism and our often primitive approach as a society.
Illustration: Argjira Kukaj
The prejudiced and ultra-reserved approach on sexuality is weirdly, unfortunately for us, one of the minimalist problems of this discussion. A more troubling phenomena is the hypocrisy we constantly demonstrate. On one side every behavior of a form or another perceived as “sexual” is seen as the epiphany or the manifestation of moral deficiency, of the unacceptable. On the other side exactly these critiqued forms of exposal: artistic, commercial, in clothing or different lifestyle choices seem to be secretly but clearly those which people consume, as is noticed from enormous demands.
So, generally when we’re in closed spaces, alone and without observation, our rapport with sexuality in a social context is much more positive and accepting. But a kind of persistence exists on us having a moral implicit “obligation” in our culture and social subconscious to resist this phenomena, to preserve “honor”, at least publicly. Besides being an insincere effort, this persistence is also philosophically unstable.
By “suppressing” and ignoring the problems tied with sexuality we are producing diametrically opposite effects, since sexuality is an integral part of every individual and ignoring its transformations is ineffective for the collective good. If the approach to such social changes is resistive and stern, then this is translated into oppression towards women as a marginalized group and can produce reactions of the same caliber as self-protection from those who support sexual liberation. So to cultivate a healthier rapport, a more non-judgmental and liberal approach is necessary.
The insistence for preserving honor, for cleanliness, a request to sacrifice of personal sexual preferences and needs for the sake of image and public perception is an added and outrageous load that operates as another cultural oppressive barrier, in most cases targeting women.
An alternative choice for this problem isn’t the alteration of behavior in a way which guarantees the epithet “clean woman”, this also as a way of conforming to patriarchal standards themselves. The insistence should really be focused in a fundamental change of these standards.
The short reply to the question “Is it morally correct for a woman* to dress in “short” clothing? (let’s not forget the tendency for gender selectivity in these kinds of daily prejudices) is- it’s not about morals. The more detailed reply is that morality is completely unimportant in this discussion. Same as the discussion on the morality of raising your hand up, the decision for you to go to the toilet at 3 in the afternoon or the fact that you can listen to Hip-Hop music at night. They’re acts that don’t go into the frame of normative moral evaluation because they don’t have an effect on the wellbeing of other individuals, criteria on which morality itself is built upon.
So your preference on clothing, the number or kind of partners (as long as it’s consensual and under legal frames) or whatever other way of expression of your sexual motivation is not moral but not immoral either. So, it’s completely neutral in the moral sense, furthermore it’s an individual freedom that belongs to the privacy and taste of the individual. In conclusion, it’s legitimate to create an accepting space for expression of sexuality, where the idea of these ugly, often sexist labels is eradicated.
About the author: Anonymous
This activity is supported by Engagement for Equity Program – E4E, financed by United States Agency for International Development – USAID, and implemented by Advocacy Training and
Resource Center –ATRC.
