MY FUTURE, MY DECISION

 

Losing a year by pausing wasn’t as bad as others made me think it was. Most of people I met had the same reactions; “Why a year off? Don’t you feel like you’re wasting it?” , “Go register somewhere, it’s better than wasting a whole year”, “ You’re taking a break? But you’re a good student!”. I wasn’t surprised by these reactions, I expected them, because for us the dream or what we really want is not as important as the degree.

Illustration: Argjira Kukaj

 

All the pressure and anxiety started after ending the school year. I knew that only a few months separated me from taking a decision for my future. If I must be honest, taking a year off wasn’t a choice I thought of taking willingly, and I was very certain that I would undoubtedly choose something else. But with the days passing, my distress only increased. It was undoubtedly one of the most stressful summer holidays I’ve been through. I didn’t want to meet or talk with anyone, because I knew that the same question awaited me from everyone, and the feeling that I should be explaining myself, but I didn’t’ have an answer. I tried to escape these questions, but on the other side I was scared of the fact that I didn’t know the answer to this myself. I felt incapable and different from my peers who had already chosen their fields of study. It seems that losing a year was a very big thing…

After starting the academic year in October, I say my friends every day and how they were starting their student life. I thought they were doing something productive in their life, and I was staying closed off looking at them. I can’t say that I didn’t feel some sort of “jealousy” towards them, and pity for the state I was in.

Losing a year by pausing wasn’t as bad as others made me think it was. Most of people I met had the same reactions; “Why a year off? Don’t you feel like you’re wasting it?”, “Go register somewhere, it’s better than wasting a whole year”, “You’re taking a break? But you’re a good student!”. I wasn’t surprised by these reactions, I expected them, because for us the dream or what we really want is not as important as the degree.

These reactions and many more had a big impact on me by causing me psychological pressure. When I met one of my high school teachers, he asked me what I had decided to do, I told him that I thought of studying psychology, and his reaction was unexpected. He told me that it isn’t the right decision, that psychology doesn’t have perspective in our country, and according to him I had to choose a profession in demand. He recommended speech-language pathology and said that it’s a new field and it’s high on demand in our country. He also said that the salary is very good.

But, is money the only thing that is important? Should every dream be sacrificed because of a profession that brings profit? Even this factor has its importance, and especially in a country like ours, where most of the professions don’t bring enough income. But which is the purpose of doing something that you don’t like? Something you wouldn’t feel proud of, and then identify with it.

So I should just quit on my dreams and wishes and choose something I don’t like. I couldn’t stand the constant advice aimed at me. I had heard it all a thousand times but again and again it didn’t help at all, on the contrary it only made making a decision more difficult.

I don’t want to fall prey of such professions for a degree that at the end of the day will just lie on the shelf, and spend three years of my life studying something I don’t like. When I hear of my friends’ complaints, it makes me feel safer and happier with my decision to pause, since a lot of them say that they chose quickly, without thinking or they just chose something so as not to pause.

I myself don’t want to waste my years choosing something I don’t like and regretting it in the future, but I will actually lose a year taking a break, but not a break as in a holiday, because I’ll try to commit by taking part in many activities, and by trying to find myself and choose the best possibility for my future.

 

 

About the author: Diellza Jëlliqi, 18 years old from Prizren, has finished high school studies.