NEITHER BLUE NOR PINK
Gender reveal parties only impose gender norms and identity on children. They leave space for the fetishization of human genitals and make children grow up thinking the only thing that matters about them is their gender.
Illustration: Argjira Kukaj
Unless you are completely disconnected from the world, you have seen people on social media posting party pictures where they apportion their baby’s gender with friends and family. If you haven’t, let this article educate you and if you have, let this article inform you about the negative effects of gender reveal parties. So, here’s how the procedure goes; the doctor writes the sex of the unborn baby on an envelope, which gets sent to a bakery. The bakery then bakes a blue or a pink cake. The family gets together to celebrate and cut the cake to reveal the gender of the soon-to-be new family member. This celebration has been gradually ascending to trend in the past few years. Nevertheless, people disregard to contemplate its impact. Gender reveal parties can be detrimental in that they assign a gender to the baby prior to birth, thus neglecting the fact that gender and sex are not interchangeable.
To begin with, let’s explore the relatively new concept of gender reveal parties. Gender reveals fetishize babies’ genitals and underscore outdated social constructs of gender roles. According to the World Health Organization, gender is defined as the characteristics that make you a woman, a man or neither. Somebody’s genitals do not, in any way, determine their gender. Coercing gender on a child only pushes them inside a box. Often, keeping girls from studying subjects viewed as masculine and making boys believe their feelings aren’t valid. This then leads to toxic masculinity and a separation of professions based on gender. When masculinity becomes toxic; mostly because of unresolved childhood trauma, everyone who isn’t a man is disregarded. Gender reveal parties leave to believe the only thing that should be celebrated about a child, is their gender.
Gender identity is central to the reality of any human being, including the babies celebrated at these festivities. Even if in the end they decide their gender matches the one assigned to them at birth, people should be free to explore all their options and experiment with different pronouns until they find one that fits. Individuals who go by they/them pronouns said that their bodies do not need to confirm their gender identity. Gender is an aspect of life individuals define on their own and not whether they have a penis or a vagina. This brings us to intersex people, whose reproductive anatomy does not fit the binary. If gender was determined by sexual organs, it would only discriminate against intersex individuals and make their identity invalid.
The first person to think of the blue or pink cake concept was Jenna Karvunidis, who celebrated her first child’s “gender”. She no longer supports gender reveal parties because her child who is now grown, identifies with they/them pronouns. Through social media this idea that started in Los Angeles landed in Kosovo and the entire world. But this type of festivity does not only have a mental and social impact, different parties throughout the world have also caused environmental catastrophes like wildfires.
Some skeptics state that gender reveal parties are not that impactful since the child isn’t born yet. These lines of thinking are fallacious because parents continue to impose gender on their children even after birth, throughout their lives and not only during the party. Celebrating a child’s gender before they are born is not a simple procedure. Alternatively stated, parents might set assumptions on their child’s identity and push them towards the gender binary, which will only keep them from achieving their full potential.
Instead of organizing gender reveal parties, expecting parents and families can perhaps explore other options such as name reveal or pregnancy reveal or maybe even a good old-fashioned baby shower. These types of parties celebrate the mother and the baby’s life and are much more ethically good.
Gender reveal parties only impose gender norms and identity on children. They leave space for the fetishization of human genitals and make children grow up thinking the only thing that matters about them is their gender. Gender differs from sex and is something one opts to be identified with, although more than often people’s gender identity is influenced by their sex. Parents have other options that are morally sound, to celebrate their newborn babies.
About the author: Anylë Zogu is a second-year design student, activist and environmentalist.
Note: this article has originally been written in English.
This grant is supported by the Balkan Trust for Democracy, a project of the German Marshall Fund of the United States
